


your soul will capture me (i've waited all this week)

by takenbyphun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asperger's Syndrome, Fluff, M/M, Mental Illness, Suicide, kinda cute i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:43:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7506976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbyphun/pseuds/takenbyphun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A teenager with Asperger’s syndrome who loves poetry meets a person his age and he seems fascinated by what shade of red their hair is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your soul will capture me (i've waited all this week)

**Author's Note:**

> HI YES! so ive been writing this fic for about 2 weeks but ive had it in mind for like 3 months and i'm so happy i finally finished it. so tell me what u think by tweeting me @HSEOFAUREUM :)
> 
> **DISCLAIMER**: i know ruby was written for a different purpose but this is a songfic meaning FICTION meaning it didnt happen

Tyler’s groans filled the car the whole drive to the support group, he simply didn’t want to go. He’d rather be at home where he can stick to his schedule of spending most of his time reading and writing poetry. Knowing that his mom secretly organized this support group for him made Tyler feel unsafe. He wasn’t following his schedule so he had to quickly make a new one before they left to go into the car making sure he spent 6 minutes on the schedule to clarify everything was going smoothly. 

“Tyler, honey. Please stop groaning. You made your schedule.” His mother looked over at Tyler with a wide eyed glare.

“I don’t want to go. I don’t like new people.”

“I know you don’t like new people but how will you survive when you’re older if you don’t learn to interact?” 

Tyler looked at his mother. “Easy. I will go to college and then get a room on the campus but hopefully I won’t get a roommate because that means I’d have to make friends with them so maybe I can talk to the people at the college to see if I can get a room for myself and I’ll take my books so I can read poetry all day and also my notebook so I can write poetry too.”

His mother learned to keep up with Tyler’s words ever since he learnt to talk however she was slightly concerned for other people trying to stay caught up with whatever Tyler is babbling on about. He had a passion for poetry which is odd for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome since the most common interest includes logic but then again Tyler was always different.

The car pulled up in front of the Columbus Community Centre where Tyler said goodbye to his mother and walked into the entrance.

“Sorry I seem to be 3 minutes late. There was a lot of traffic on the way here.” Tyler mentioned to the receptionist. His chest already felt tight but he was trying his best to speak clearly and trying not to groan.

The receptionist looked up at Tyler with a friendly smile. “It’s fine, they haven’t started yet so go on through.”

“Thank you.” 

There was a room filled with 13 people. 1 adult and 12 other teenagers around Tyler’s age, the adult has light brunette hair almost like chestnut that was slicked back with a single strand hanging on his forehead. He was wearing a lanyard that says ‘STAFF’ on it, Tyler felt slightly more safe knowing there was an adult in charge because he trusted adults. 

“Alright everybody, take a seat. We have an extra participant with us today so welcome him with open arms.” 

Tyler was confused because no one opened their arms. He scanned his eyes and his mind focused onto the person with vibrant red hair, which was Tyler’s favourite colour. The only empty seat was next to the red haired boy so Tyler sat down with his eyes still fixed on the red hair poking out of the boy’s snapback. He analysed him more to find a giant patch of scarring that went down the left side of his neck hid behind the red haired boy’s arm. Tyler tried to think of the word when you don’t like something about yourself that he once read in a poem. Insecure? Yeah. He was insecure about his scar. Tyler knew this meant he shouldn’t talk about it.

“Red is my favourite colour. Mom tells me it’s because I get angry a lot but I don’t even get that angry very often. Only when she turns the TV on too loud and when she mixes my food together on my plate because I won’t eat my food if they are touching and Dad gets angry at me and he says it doesn’t matter but I think it does.” 

The boy returned a smile. “You sure do talk a lot.” His voice was soft but Tyler thought how could it be soft? He can’t touch his voice. 

“I always have a lot to say. Mom says I talk too fast sometimes so I try not to talk fast so people can understand me.” Tyler kept scanning the boy’s hair and became confused.

“What’s wrong?” The red haired boy seemed worried by the look of Tyler’s face.

“I’m not quite sure what shade of red I’d say your hair is. It’s like vibrant but not very ‘Neon Red’ and it’s not dark like a ‘Blood Red’ however it’s not too simple like a ‘Scarlet Red’.” 

The boy took his hat off and ran his hand through it. “The label on the box said ‘Ruby’ and I thought that sounded pretty. Like the gem.” He smiled and it’s like Tyler read a new poem, filled him with that rush of butterflies where his heart skipped a beat. 

“Your smile is like a poem. It’s beautiful.” 

The boy blushed, his face almost turning scarlet. “I’m Josh by the way.” Josh reached out his hand so Tyler could shake it but Tyler doesn’t do physical touch.

“My name is Tyler Robert Joseph.”

Josh let out a small laugh. “I’ll just call you Tyler.”

“Nice to meet you, Ruby-haired boy.”

The whole support group consists of the two boys talking about themselves and random topics that Josh came up with. Occasionally stopping when the group had to talk about themselves. It was Josh’s turn to talk about himself to the group.

“My name is Joshua Dun. People call me Josh. I’m 19 years old.”

His voice was shaky. There was an intense moment for him when everyone’s eyes landed on him, slicing through him like a blade and attacking his knees making him stand funny. 

“Why are you here today Josh?” The older man’s name was Dallon Weekes and he was tall, very tall.

Josh’s eyes flicked back and forth from the people staring at him. “I-I…”  
Suddenly, Tyler stood up.

“My name is Tyler Robert Joseph, I’m 18 years old…” Tyler talked about himself as Josh sat himself down smiling that Tyler basically saved him talking in public. 

Josh felt like Tyler was his guardian angel, he couldn’t help but stare at Tyler focusing on his features and analysing them. Like how his bottom teeth were crooked, how plump his lips were, the way his hands moved when he talked and the way he speaks is like a safe haven. He spoke with meaning even if he was unable to pull together extended vocabulary into a sentence. He made poetry fascinating to Josh. 

“Thank you Tyler. Next?” 

-

The two boys were walking out of the community centre talking about school and college.

“I’m going to take a year break before I start college because I’d like to discover more poetry and write some more and then my vocabulary will extend more and I’ll be able to sound interesting and people will want to hear me talk.”

Josh knew Tyler wasn’t very confident with his speech and people sometimes got bored of hearing Tyler go on and on. 

“If it helps, I’m very interested by what you talk about.” Josh smiled at Tyler attempting to cheer the boy up. “Your passion for poetry is different to other guys I’ve met.”

Tyler sat on the grass with Josh. “I know I’m different. I don’t like it because sometimes people look at me funny and then I get nervous and then I don’t talk for a while. Once I didn’t talk for 4 months and my parents were worried and my little brother thought I lost my voice box so he tried to find it for me.”

Josh sighed listening to the boy’s story. “I know how you feel; I don’t really speak that often.”

“Why? You have a nice voice. People would say it’s soft but I don’t understand that metaphor because you can’t feel voices.”

“I’m a pro at imperfections. Everyone just stares at me, and by me I mean my scar. My giant fucking ugly monster scar.” Josh lightly glazed his fingers along his mark.  
Insecure. Josh was insecure. Tyler confirmed that to himself.  
Another thing he confirmed to himself was that he wasn’t sure what to do. He’s not the best at comforting people.

“Would you like to hear a poem?”  
Josh looked at Tyler directly in the eye before Tyler looked at the ground feeling uncomfortable. 

“Sure, why not.”

Tyler closed his eyes and clenched his fists trying to focus on the words he once read. “There will be bad days. Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm slowly now. Let go. Be confident. Know that now is only a moment, and that if today is a bad as it gets, understand that by tomorrow, today will have ended.”

Poems meant a lot to Tyler, it allowed him to say how he feels in perfect words without stuttering or struggling to speak. It’s a challenge for him to make contact with people whether it’s verbally, physically or mentally so using these beautiful words help him. With his disability it’s a struggle to know what people’s emotions are, after endless sessions with his counsellor who first introduced him to poems he memorises words and matches them to emotions to remember what people are feeling. Poems to Tyler is like sign language to a deaf person and braille to a blind person. Additionally, it helps him stay calm, relaxed and tranquil. 

“Thank you.” He opened to his eyes to see Josh smiling again. “It really means a lot to have someone care.”  
All Tyler did was smile at the ruby-haired boy.

-

8:30am – Wake up  
8:35am – Get up and get dressed  
8:38am – Go downstairs for breakfast and talk to mom and dad  
8:50am – Go back upstairs to check if Josh has texted and reply to him  
9:10am – Read a few poems (if find any unusual words, ask mom or search online)  
10:30am – Text Josh again  
10:45am – Meet with Josh  
11:30am – Go to local coffee shop, order orange juice and red velvet cake  
12:12pm – Leave coffee shop and make our way towards the community centre  
12:30pm – Support group starts  
2:30pm – Leave the community centre and walk towards the river near the forest with Josh  
2:38pm – Arrive at the river  
2:41pm – Find a nice place to sit down and eat lunch with Josh  
3:02pm – Finish lunch and talk with Josh  
7:34pm – Go back to my house with Josh  
8:04pm – Arrive at home and have dinner  
8:29pm – Go upstairs and play video games with Josh  
10:02pm – Josh goes home  
10:04pm – Write some poetry before bed  
10:50pm – Get ready for bed  
11:00pm – Go to bed 

Sundays were now Tyler’s favourite day. It meant he could see Josh and spend all day with him. It was so common they would hang out Tyler made a Sunday schedule just for his day with Josh and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Hey Tyler, what are you doing?” His mom asked him looking over his shoulder as he was looking over his new Sunday schedule.

“I planned every Sunday to be my day with Josh after support group since we have spent 4 Sunday’s together doing the same thing and it made me feel anxious that I wasn’t on schedule so I told him I would make a schedule.”

Tyler’s mom let out a huge smile seeing how happy her son was, she hasn’t seen him smile like this ever in his life and it’s like the clouds opened up while the sun shone upon the Joseph household. Things were finally changing for Tyler and not in a way that would frighten him in any way.

“It’s almost time to bed, why don’t you go on up? Say goodnight to your sister and brothers as well.” 

Tyler stood up and held out his pinkie to his mom. His mom wrapped her pinkie around his in a way to say ‘I promise to love you’ because Tyler doesn’t like it when people hug him or touch him. He feels like he’s in danger when he’s trapped in a tight space and the red balloon in chest expands until he can’t breathe so the only thing he does in scream or push the person who is causing the danger.

-

Poetry boy – anathema

Ruby-haired boy – come again?

Poetry boy – something or someone that one vehemently dislikes

Ruby-haired boy – that would b a good poem to base off, dnt yathink?

Poetry boy – yeah that’s why I text you. I wanted your opinion.

Ruby-haired boy – you shud write a poem about ur fave ruby-haired dude

Poetry boy – maybe one day, goodnight ruby

Ruby-haired boy – keep writing, goodnight

-

"Are you scared of anything?” It was another Sunday by the river where during those silent moments amongst the trees and Tyler would ask random questions.  
Josh felt a lump in his throat forming when that question was asked. He was terrified of a lot of things.  
“Honestly? Too many things.”

The awkwardness grew in Tyler’s point of view so he chose not the ask what those things were. Instead they sat there in the thick summer’s air with a slight breeze that made the trees whistle their summer song complimented by the bird’s chirps and the water’s movement. 

-

“When I was 13, me and my family were on a road trip to a family adventure park we went to every year.” Josh turned towards Tyler. “It was a perfect day, me and my siblings were all smiling and singing along to the radio with my parents. I cherished those moments with my family because sometimes our family is far from perfect but then again, everything is far from perfect. Anyways my parents did argue a lot because at the time my younger brother Jordan was very sick and we were suffering financially…

_“I don’t understand you sometimes Bill, how can we still afford the hotel rooms when Jordan’s hospital bill takes up our whole bank?” Josh’s mom raised her voice at her husband. “We’re not made of money; we could barely afford gas.”_

_“I told you we can do this honey, I worked a few extra hours and got some extra money on the side.”_

_“We shouldn’t have done this vacation; we should have skipped this year.”_

_“Now c’mon Laura you know that isn’t fair on the kids. We all need a vacation and Jordan isn’t getting any better.”_

_“Bill will you stop bringing up Jordan’s sickness for god’s sake.” She sighed loudly taking out a cigarette while rolling down the window before lighting it._

_“Not in the car!” Josh’s dad shouted making all the kids in the back jump._

_“Guys please stop fighting.” Josh protested to his parents seeing the scared looking on his siblings faces._

_“It’s your fault I’m so stressed these days! All you do is waste money and now look at us.” She flicked he lighter but before she could light the cigarette her husband was already shouting at her._

_“MY fault?! You’re the one who works 2 days a week, why did I even marry you? Sometimes…”_

_“DAD WATCH OUT!” Josh shouted before everything went black with a hint of red, orange and yellow. ___

__“Red, orange and yellow?” Tyler asked._ _

___“Yeah.” Josh sighed. “We crashed into a car ahead that had a gas leak. Everyone was shouting for us not to carry on driving but my parents were too focused on their argument to listen. I tried to warn them. The entire car caught fire but we were still moving uncontrollably. I still remember everyone screams and crying. We fell into a ditch and all of us were knocked out. I was the first one to wake up and the pain…”_  
The lump in his throat grew as he tried to fight back his tears.  
“I’ve never experienced pain like that, I managed to drag most of my family out of the car but I left Jordan until last. I couldn’t help it he was the furthest away. God, why did I let my brother just burn in his grave?” His hands were shaking. Tyler didn’t know what to do at this point so he continued to watch Josh break down onto his lap. 

__Tyler abruptly screamed and pushed Josh off him. He quickly stood up while Tyler stayed laid on the floor in shock, he felt like he was in danger and the red balloon in his chest started to expand again._ _

__“Why did you do that?!” Josh yelled._ _

__“I don’t like people t-touching me. I-I’m sorry.” Tyler sat silently on the ground staring at the ground wishing he could just disappear._ _

__He thought what if he jumped in the river and drowned himself? Or if he dug a hole in the ground and just stayed there?_ _

__The trees continued to whistle while Josh wiped his tears and sat back down next to Tyler. “I won’t hurt you Tyler, you can trust me.” He held his hand in front of Tyler encouraging the boy to make contact with Josh._ _

__With wide and terrified eyes, Tyler stared at Josh’s palm and flickering his eyes to his own palm._ _

__“Don’t be scared Tyler. I promise.”_ _

__Slowly Tyler rose his hand and lightly placed it in front of Josh’s so their palms were touching but once Tyler felt the slightest feeling of Josh’s hand he flinched._ _

__“You can do it.” Josh’s voice was light and heavenly as he quietly spoke to Tyler._ _

__Once their hands were fully touching Tyler felt some form of release._ _

__“I know what it’s like to be different Tyler, to feel like you don’t have a sense of purpose. You keep trying to be the person your parents want you to be but somehow it just doesn’t co-operate leaving you buried in a hole in the ground with no way out.” Their hands were still touching as Josh slowly laced his fingers into Tyler’s._ _

__Tyler felt like Josh was fulfilling a puzzle, like his fingers between his and his soothing touch on the back of his hand with his palm embracing his._ _

__“I feel like I’m…”_ _

__“Safe?”_ _

__All Tyler did was hold Josh’s hand back so the two boys sat on the grass enjoying the comfort of each other’s hands._ _

__To Tyler it was a strange feeling holding someone’s hand since he never enjoyed contact with another human however with Josh it’s like he was fighting the demons beneath Tyler’s skull and found some kind of purpose even if it was only a small amount, Tyler found his home and his name was Josh._ _

__

__-_ _

__

__Poet who did know it – guess whos writing a poem about you_ _

__Spooky ruby – omg who??????? Is it my best fren????_ _

__Poet who did know it – maybe ;)_ _

__Poet who did know it – is that the right emoji??????_ _

__Spooky ruby – if ur tryin 2 tease me then yes, well done_ _

__Poet who did know it – don’t you mean well DUN_ _

__Spooky ruby – go to sleep tyler ill c u tomorrow_ _

__Poet who did know it – can I hold your hand again?_ _

__Spooky ruby – u can hold my hand whenever u want baby boy_ _

__Poet who did know it – goodnight ruby, I’m going to finish my poem then I’m going to sleep_ _

__Spooky ruby – gdnight future famous poet_ _

__Spooky ruby – also don’t 4get to show me ur poem when u feel ready_ _

__

__-_ _

__

__“And I’ve finished.” Tyler smiled at the inked paper, words splattered across the page with the title in bold._ _

__“What’s that honey?” His mother appeared over his shoulder looking down at his poetry._ _

__“A poem that I wrote for Josh. I was going to read it to him on Sunday but I remember his birthday is next month so I have decided to wait until his birthday to read it to him. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay patient for a whole month.”_ _

__There was no response except a smile. “Josh makes you happy doesn’t he?”_ _

__Tyler looked up at his mother feeling confused. “I’m not sure, I smile and laugh a lot around him. Sometimes I even get those little butterflies but it makes me feel confused because I don’t know what I’m feeling.”_ _

__His mother sat beside the boy on his bed. “Honey, I think you like him.”_ _

__“Well of course I like him mom, he’s my best friend. It would be dip crap to not like my best friend.”_ _

__“Dip crap?”_ _

__“Josh says that a lot, he does a lot of nice things. Sometimes when he’s singing to himself he doesn’t sing a song he just goes Shada de da dum and I like that because it’s original. His laugh is nice because whenever he laughs, I smile. He lets me hold his hand a lot.”_ _

__When Tyler’s mother realised her son has made physical contact with someone without freaking out really warmed her heart. As a mother she knows the difficulties Tyler goes through everyday however she doesn’t label his disability as a negative because it just makes him more special._ _

__“I mean you like-like him, you know? You want him to be your boyfriend?”_ _

__“So like a crush? But people in church say homosexuality is a sin.”_ _

__His mother scoffed. “However God created us to be who we are and to express who we are. Being gay isn’t a choice but it’s who you are. No one should feel ashamed of who they are, especially you. We love you for you, and if that ‘you’ is gay then that makes you even more special than you already are.”_ _

__“I love you, mom. I don’t say it a lot but I do.”_ _

__She smiled lovingly. “I know honey.” She held out her pinkie finger to her son who she once wished to see him smile every day. Once the wish became true she thanked God every night to keep him happy, she knew love was a beautiful thing and it can bring out the best in people however she was scared to see the worst it could bring out in her special boy. Tyler wrapped his pinkie around his mothers and proceeded to climb into the bed._ _

__“Goodnight Tyler.”_ _

__“Goodnight mom.”_ _

__

__-_ _

__

__“No way! Your room was pink?” Tyler said over his laughter._ _

__Tyler and Josh added more days of the week to see each other because waiting a whole week to see each other was torture to them. They said distance makes the heart grow fonder but it made the two best friends sadder the more time they weren’t with each other. A cloud of darkness filled their emptiness when they were apart._ _

__“Well it was my sister’s room but she wanted another room. My mom already painted it pink before we moved in so I had to stick with a pink room for about a week and a half, I ended up painting it myself.”_ _

__Tyler laughed. “You’re such a diva, you’re like royalty.”_ _

__“Call me Queen Josh.” Josh jokingly did a regal wave leaving Tyler lying on the grass hunched over in laughter._ _

__“What colour?”_ _

__“Red, obviously.”_ _

__“Elaborate.”_ _

__“Scarlet.”_ _

__Tyler nodded. “Good choice. What would you say red represents to you?”_ _

__“Rebellion. Going against your own will to build your power. It encourages me to be the best I am. On occasions it also represents love and passion.”_ _

__“I think red means there is hope behind darkness. I know red is more of a dangerous colour compared to blue or something. I enjoy the colour red because I’m comfortable with the idea of danger, it helps me to be less scared of the darkness and being depressed because it’s normal.” Tyler tried using colours to represent his emotions once however it just included confusion due to his expanded creativity. “I tried telling someone I felt green and they thought I meant jealous.”_ _

__“What were you trying to say?”_ _

__“That I felt scared. Green is such a scary colour, like a navy green.”_ _

__“Do you still feel scared sometimes?”_ _

__“Not really. You have helped me a lot become more brave. Despite how rough these currents are, I will keep swimming towards the shore.”_ _

__Josh just smiled at his best friend as the sun shone on his brunette hair making some parts shine like his hair was pure gold. Thinking about Tyler made him blush sometimes so he took off his camouflage jacket and placing it on the ground next to him._ _

__“Josh… what are those?”_ _

__Shit. Josh thought to himself. He forgot about the scars and the bruises. The marks that defined him and his illness. His defeat._ _

__“N-nothing.” He crossed his arms hiding them._ _

__“Josh what the hell is on your arms?” Tyler was concerned. It broke him to even think his best friend ever felt so sad and defeated to harm himself. “You never told me.”_ _

__“I don’t trust a lot of people to tell them.” He mumbled slowly._ _

__Tyler’s breathing started to uneven. “Y-you don’t trust me?”_ _

__After that every trace of sound was blocked from Tyler’s ears as he started to groan and hold his hand._ _

__“Tyler, no! I was going to tell you.”_ _

__“Tyler!”_ _

__“Tyler!” He grabbed Tyler’s shoulders. “Look at me, Look at me god dammit.”_ _

__He finally locked eyes with Tyler. “Why do you do it?” Tyler’s voice was weak and croaky._ _

__Josh let go of the boy. “I’m weak. I let people get to me. The words they say haunts me every day.”_ _

__“What people?”_ _

__Josh looked down at his arms. “It’s my fault my brother died. I hate myself for it.”_ _

__“It wasn’t your fault, it’s not your fault you couldn’t save him in time.”_ _

__“NO TYLER!” He shouted making Tyler jump. “You don’t understand, no one ever will! I barely know you. We’ve only been friends for a few months. You’ll just leave in another month and leave me stranded, alone, lost…” He started getting flustered. He gripped his head. “Fuck. Just go away Tyler.”_ _

__“W-what?” Tyler felt tears welling up in his eyes as his vision went blurry._ _

__“Go.”_ _

__“N-no Josh, please.”_ _

__“LEAVE ME ALONE.”_ _

__Just like that Tyler was running and he never stopped running until he reached his front porch where he curled into a foetal position feeling the wet grass on his forehead as he groaned into his hands. His sobs were uncontrollable that they turned into screams. He felt numb like he jumped into cold waters from a high distance in attempt to drown and he was drowning. No one could help him because he was already 500ft under the surface._ _

__Echoes of his mother’s voice rang in his ears, he no longer felt the wet grass beneath him but he felt a series of arms holding onto him._ _

__“J-Josh?” His voice was dreary as his vision faded in and out while he started to become unconscious until total darkness took over._ _

__-_ _

__“He’s waking up.”_ _

__“Sh, don’t startle him Jay.”_ _

__“I didn’t even speak that loud.”_ _

__“Tyler?”_ _

__His eyes flickered open to see his brother Jay and sister Maddy watching over him._ _

__“Mom!” Maddy called out for their mother and she rushed into Tyler’s bedroom._ _

__“Tyler, honey.” She put a hand on her chest as a sign of relief. “Baby what happened? Is it Josh?”_ _

__All Tyler did was nod. He didn’t want to speak._ _

__“Go to sleep Tyler, it’s late. I love you.”_ _

__Silence was the only thing that filled the room with additional background noise of the wind blowing in the trees._ _

__

__-_ _

__

__Poet who didn’t know it – josh?_ _

__Poet who didn’t know it – it’s been a week now. Please answer me._ _

__Poet who didn’t know it – you can’t stay mad forever. I feel sad without you._ _

__Poet who didn’t know it – please._ _

__Poet who didn’t know it – take me to the promised land. We can run away together and I’ll never question you again. Please._ _

__

__Tyler has been non-stop sending Josh texts the whole week but there was no response. He felt so anxious and unfocused he hasn’t even touched his poetry book. Once there’s a missing piece to the puzzle it all tumbles down into a messy pile of self-hatred._ _

__Thinking about poems made Tyler realise._ _

__His poem._ _

__He could read it to Josh and it might make Josh feel better._ _

__Instantly Tyler stood up and grabbed his poetry book running downstairs._ _

__“Tyler where are you going?” His father asked before he left the house._ _

__“To Josh’s place, I’m going to show him my poem. I’m going to tell him how I feel, if I can.”_ _

__“That’s my boy.”_ _

__Tyler ran out of excitement to Josh’s place it wasn’t far so Tyler wasn’t too out of breath when he reached Josh’s apartment building. Josh lived on his own in a small apartment because it was closer to his college campus than his family home. Josh said even though it was a run-down building he still managed to call it his home._ _

__Running up the stairs to the 4th floor where Josh’s apartment was, he ran down the crooked hallway as the light flickered which made Tyler feel scared but to him it didn’t matter at this moment. He felt confident to tell Josh how he feels, he really likes Josh. He started to imagine the dates they go on._ _

__Should he kiss him after he tells him? Or before? Maybe before to add the element of surprise because that seems more romantic than telling him before he kisses him. Perfect._ _

__Tyler knocked on his apartment door a few times but there’s was no answer. Maybe Josh was out?_ _

__What if Tyler surprised Josh by sitting in his apartment? After all he knew where he kept the spare key. It’s a shame he didn’t have time to get flowers or anything, it would make Josh smile even more._ _

__Once Tyler finally opened the front door he noticed the lights inside were still on. Maybe Josh has his headphones in and couldn’t hear the knocks._ _

__“Josh? It’s me Tyler.”_ _

__There was silence lurking in the air._ _

__He smiled to himself. “He must’ve left the lights on, silly.”_ _

__Going into every room he turned off the lights but once he came across a bright white room that was the bathroom he noticed red. It wasn’t a good red, a red that was so sinister and evil it took away any source of happiness. This was the red that was Tyler’s demons._ _

__He realised what happened and he dropped his poetry book on the floor._ _

__“JOSH!”_ _

__Just like that, the puzzle fell into pieces._ _

__“Josh, please. Wake up.”_ _

__An empty orange container with a white label._ _

__A shining blade covered in blood._ _

__A ruby-haired boy who was loved by the poet._ _

__His screams alarmed the neighbours. Everything was a blur but he still held onto his love, holding his hands and repeatedly kissing his forehead crying into his hair that he loved so much._ _

__He remembers his last smile, his last laugh, his last words._ _

___“LEAVE ME ALONE!” _His last words rang in Tyler’s ears as his tears stained Josh’s shirt.__ _ _

____“Sir, please step away from the body.”_ _ _ _

____“Sir, are you listening to me? It’s an order.”_ _ _ _

____Tyler continued to plead and scream._ _ _ _

____“PLEASE.”_ _ _ _

____“COME BACK.”_ _ _ _

____“I love you Josh.”_ _ _ _

____He felt Josh’s hand slip out of his grip as they carried his body away placing into a dark bag that was sealed by a zip._ _ _ _

____Tyler gripped onto his hair and screamed. He realises he’s covered in his own puke and blood after scratching at his arms. He continues to scream when people try to lift him up and escort him from the scene. He feels the physical contact and his chest closes up, he can’t breathe._ _ _ _

____It was the demons who committed the crime. They took Josh’s life by filling his brain with dark thoughts taking every last inch of his sanity turning it into suicide._ _ _ _

____Tyler met the silver shining object and darkness took over him. He wanted to go to the promise land._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____The date was June 18th. It was Josh’s birthday and his family decided to hold his funeral on his birthday to celebrate the circle of life. The venue was outside in an open field next to the forest. It’s been 2 weeks since Tyler found the boy he loved lying in his own blood and pills fading from the world._ _ _ _

____Tyler attempted suicide that night when he still laid in Josh’s apartment but was later recovered at the hospital. He was sent to daily therapy sessions but his voice was muted. He hasn’t spoken for those 2 weeks however he promised to speak at Josh’s funeral. His whole family was there to support him during his speech and if he was to break down he could count on his family._ _ _ _

____On the podium and having all eyes on you was the least of Tyler’s worries. It was seeing the body in a beautiful casket decorated in red roses, his eyes welled up but he stayed strong as he held Josh’s hand for the last time._ _ _ _

____“I love you Ruby.” He whispered._ _ _ _

____He let go of the cold hand and stepped on the podium._ _ _ _

____“Hi I’m Tyler. I only knew Josh for a few months but I can say that Sunday when I walked into that support group and spotted his ruby hair…” He swallowed the lump in his throat, fighting back the urge to break down. “…was the best day of my life. I had made a friend. Who turned out to be my best friend. Soon enough he turned into the very first boy I loved. I loved Josh more than anything. I’m not the type to ever show emotions but I knew for sure I was in love with Joshua William Dun. His smile was a blessing and his laugh was contagious. He filled me with a type of happiness I never felt before and I was grateful for God sending this angel to me helping me find a purpose. It’s also his birthday today and my present was a poem that I wrote about him. I was originally going to read it to him the night I found him. But before I share it all I can say is…” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Josh.”_ _ _ _

____Tyler took out his poetry book that was covered in dried blood, he opened it to the page that was titled ‘Ruby’ and began reading._ _ _ _

____"Ruby I hope I see you, I’ve waited all this week. For you to walk my way, your soul will capture me."_ _ _ _

____He started to remember Josh and their memories._ _ _ _

_____“We’re gonna be best friends forever right?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Dude, of course. When you start college you can live with me, we can roomies.” ____ _ _ _

______"Your momma painted your room a shade of pink, she said. But with your great arrival, that shade has turned to red.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Do you think I should change my hair to blue?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What? No. Red is my favourite. Keep it forever._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Only for you.” ____ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ruby take my hand, please lead me to the Promised Land. Tell me, where am I from, your eyes say Shada de da dum.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Do you ever get sick of holding my hand?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“No I like it, it helps me feel safe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“We’ll run away to the promised land one day, for sure.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Ruby, you’re royalty, in your home land, they all call you Queen. Tell me, where are you from, your eyes say Shada de da dum."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“I like that tune.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“What? Shada de da dum? It's just a stupid little tune."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________"It's nice. It's original." ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"You're an angel fallen down, won't you tell us of the clouds. You have fallen from the sky. How high? How high?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________"What do you think angels look like?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________"I think they can look like anyone. It's when their soul is beautiful, that's when you know someone's an angel." ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You're true and pure, you hold the cure. We're all diseased, you hold the key."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________"I think laughter is important. I feel like it can cure alot of illness even if it's for a moment."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________"You're saying we're all diseased?" ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"You're an angel."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Tyler closed his eyes as a single tear fell down his cheek onto the page landing on the same part where a drop of blood was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________After the ceremony Tyler wandered through the forest, trampling through dirt and leaves. He found a spot where he could sit and ponder. It was deep in the forest so that no one could hear him scream for the last time. What caught his attention was a red bird sat on a tree stump near Tyler but it wasn't just red, it was Ruby._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________It was time. Tyler took out two metal objects. One being his phone and the other his key to the promised land._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________To: Maddy, Jay and Zack  
From: Tyler_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________tell our dad i'm sorry ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________With a single swift movement that came with a loud noise, a group of birds jumped from the branches and the trees were silent. A bullett to the head was the key and before he knew it Tyler was holding his hand again. He was home._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry u can go attack me on twitter now (@HSEOFAUREUM)
> 
> **so it's been almost a year since i started writing this fic, i'd love to improve it or rewrite it but this one is far too popular. im thinking of writing an alternative ending on its 1 year anniversary to gives this the ending it deserves. But honestly thank you so much for reading this and supporting this, it means the world to me and i'm still shocked how popular this got and I'll never forget how happy i was from all the feedback from the first week of the fic being up THANK YOU


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